You probably realize that taming the beast is not a one-size-fits-all process. Start with whichever key caught your attention the most and from there move on to the others.
Remember, suppressing your anger is not the goal. You are not trying to cage the beast; you are taming the beast.
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- All behavior has a secondary gain. What are you gaining by engaging in the old behavior? Even if you think you aren’t, you are gaining something by reverting to your old behavior. Is it friendship? Is it satisfying your desire to bond? Is it maintaining your self-esteem or pride? What is it? Write it down.
- Whatever it may be, ask yourself the following questions to facilitate a change in your behavior. How can your sense of what has been gained be maintained without the old behavior? Not sure? Well, imagine or pretend that there is a way. What did you imagine? Write it down.
- Test what you wrote down by vividly visualizing yourself performing the new behavior when you come in contact with the individual that you have in mind. Take note of your feelings. Repeat this step several times until the new behavior becomes anchored and you feel good and confident.
- If you still feel like reverting to old behavior or if you don’t feel confident about the new behavior then you probably haven’t maintained all of your gains. Go back to step one to be sure that you haven’t overlooked any secondary gains.
by Al “The Inspiration” Duncan
Helping Young People Build A
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